Thursday, August 6, 2009

Wonder When?

I'm sitting in the family room waiting for my summer squash soup to finish boiling and I'm thinking about what my life will be like in two years, three years, four... Right now my life is busy busy busy...deadlines, love, happiness, joy, laughing(a lot of laughing), crying (but mostly for one week out of the month), rearranging furniture 5 times, sweating it out at the gym everyday, family, cuddles, hugs, kisses, people, making up healthy recipes (and having someone who is willing at trying them all), however, I can't help but feel empty in that little spot inside my chest. It pulls every time I see a baby smile at me in the grocery store, or when I spot a little girl doing something sweet for her younger brother. Every time I catch Ashton watching little kids play and see his face light up. Every time I walk past the grand baby pictures that hang on my moms fridge. I miss my niece and nephews. I love them all so much and would do absolutely anything for them. I am happy and grateful for the time that Ashton and I have had to get to know one another better, and to be just the two of us. I absolutely adore my husband, and I know that he will be a wonderful father someday. I am excited for that. I wonder when that day will come? Sometimes it seems far away and other times it seems so close? We will just have to wait and see...

6 comments:

Heather Coon said...

It will come, I know it! I just want to let you know that I had an experience like yours not to long ago. And I truly feel your pain now. (sorry if you don't know what I'm talking about, I didn't want too many details on here) I miss ya and love ya!

P.s. you'll be the most perfect mom some day!

Arah said...

hey Megan,
Sorry I missed seeing you when I was in Utah this past week.
I have been in your shoes. I know how hard it is to see all those babies around you. It took Matt and I 4 miscarriages and 3 1/2 years before Brinley came. You will one day become a momma and you'll do an amazing job.
I love you and I do think of you often.

Dani Christensen said...

Meghan,

Thanks for writing about this! It hits close to home for me, too, and while I'm not happy anyone has to go through it, it is comforting that there are other that know how I feel. We've been trying for almost 2 years and I know EXACTLY what you mean when you look at a baby and get those sad/happy feelings all at the same time. Anyway, thanks for being willing to share your feelings!!

Giles Fam said...

Meghan, what a sweet post. It really touched me. I know that your time at being a mother will come, and when it does--you will love that little baby even MORE because you won't take it for granted. :)

Scott and Jamie said...

hey, how's it going? Congrats on graduating, married, etc. So, does this post mean you're pregnant? take care.

Brittney said...

Thank you for sharing, you had me tearing up! I too like many who have commented have felt that ache as well. While I was going through it I was being set apart and in that blessing he said 'everything will come in the Lord's time table', even though it is so hard, and frustrated me so much it gave me peace. I don't know why we have to go through these things but since going through it I can sympathize more. My heart aches for you and when you described how you ached it brought back those feelings. You are in my prayers, and I agree with everyone else you will make an awesome mom!

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