Storm

I don't really know why I am posting tonight...maybe I am wrestles....I don't really have too much to say but rather wanted to let my mind get lost in my fingers. There is a great storm outside. Warm but rainy and full of lighting and thunder, my kind of night. I guess I am more like my dad than I thought he loves a good rainy storm. I can remember as a little girl finding him asleep on the bed in the attic whenever there was a rain storm. He wanted to be as close to the sound as he could. The rhythmic tapping, the sound of the sky moving, breathing. The excitment in air... it calmed his sould. It calms my soul. I understand it now more than I did before. Every day I am amazed at how much like my parents I am, and I am happy to be, because I adore my parents. Little things that bothered me in my stupid teen immaturity make me laugh and smile now. Tonight Ashton and I did our weekly date night with Matt and upon dropping Matt off I went up to my parents room to find Tash and Mom talking on the bed and Dad in the other room watching and listening to the storm outside. After a few minutes he called from the other room "this is a really cool storm." I just have so much love for my dad. I love his spirit, his energy, his excitement for life. It makes me remember who I am and I feel happy. He has always been able to find the excitement in anything, I love that. I find myself doing it more often, and when I notice it I feel grateful for my fun dad.

Wonder When?

I'm sitting in the family room waiting for my summer squash soup to finish boiling and I'm thinking about what my life will be like in two years, three years, four... Right now my life is busy busy busy...deadlines, love, happiness, joy, laughing(a lot of laughing), crying (but mostly for one week out of the month), rearranging furniture 5 times, sweating it out at the gym everyday, family, cuddles, hugs, kisses, people, making up healthy recipes (and having someone who is willing at trying them all), however, I can't help but feel empty in that little spot inside my chest. It pulls every time I see a baby smile at me in the grocery store, or when I spot a little girl doing something sweet for her younger brother. Every time I catch Ashton watching little kids play and see his face light up. Every time I walk past the grand baby pictures that hang on my moms fridge. I miss my niece and nephews. I love them all so much and would do absolutely anything for them. I am happy and grateful for the time that Ashton and I have had to get to know one another better, and to be just the two of us. I absolutely adore my husband, and I know that he will be a wonderful father someday. I am excited for that. I wonder when that day will come? Sometimes it seems far away and other times it seems so close? We will just have to wait and see...